I think I was a fairly level-headed kid. Mostly positive and fun loving. In retrospect I had a pretty good upbringing with good positive memories. Considering all the time I spent being grounded, in the principal’s office, running from the police and carrying guilt around for all the things I didn’t get caught for I would say I made it through my adolescent years unscathed.
Now add a year in Vietnam and years of drug use and again no one could blame me if I came through all that with a negative mind set. But I didn’t, I was still quite positive about life and loved living for the day, what ever that may have brought my way.
I always seemed to have a positive outlook on life.
Enter Jesus and a christian lifestyle.
Life just kept getting better.
So where did I go wrong, how did I get off the track and how did all that positive energy take a dive?
If I was to try to pin point the downward spiral in my life I can honestly say I just don’t know. But in saying that it could have been an accumulation of many different things. Growing up, maturing, having a family, responsibility.
But if I had to put blame on something or someone I would have to say, “the devil made me do it.”
By the time I was thirty five I had my Masters Degree in Negative thinking.
Well I learned over time that the devil had nothing to do with it, but that is not to say that he didn’t exploit the fact that my negative thinking was an open door to invite him in to my life to wallow in my already miserable state of mind.
Fast forward about twenty five years, now living miserably with my affliction but accepting that it has become a part of my life that I will most assuredly take to my grave I came across an article that gave me hope that my affliction was indeed curable.
It talked about negative thinking being a habit that could be changed. There was a simple solution. Stop thinking negatively. Duh, now why didn’t I think of that. How creative, how intelligent, how simple.
As I read on the gauntlet was thrown down. The challenge was put before me, “yes you can do it,any one can, you just need to want to stop thinking negatively and want to think more positive.”
Ok, so now I feel myself falling back into my comfort zone. You mean I have to do something about it, there is no magic pill to take that will heal me immediately and for good?
The author went on to explain that in order to change a habit (and he implying that my negative thinking was a bad habit and not “the devil made me do it”) that all I had to do was from the time I woke up in the morning till I went to bed at night think only good positive thoughts and that I needed to do it for 26-30 days.
Whoa, now hold on. What you are trying to say that I had to perform a miracle on myself.
Apparently this act of lunacy was guaranteed.
Where do I sign, I’m in. I had enough, no more negative thinking, do or die, give me my marching orders.
That day I committed myself to thirty days of thinking only good thoughts. But I will start the first thing in the morning. It will give me a chance to say goodbye to all my negative friends and voices in my head that have been a part of my life for so long.
There was no special formula, no list of do’s and don’t, no perfect way to adhere to thinking positively. Nope, you just are supposed to wake up on day one and think good things.
Day one was like sticking pins in my body from head to two. Somehow I made it through my induction day. I would say sixty – forty in favour of the old man.
Day two was better, fifty-fifty and so on until I started going through each day with almost a hundred percent report card. I made it to my thirty day graduation and I celebrated by patting myself on the back with a well done.
I did it, I conquered my negative thinking and replaced it with a Diploma in Positive thinking. No that’s right, no one is perfect. I am working on my Masters.
Now, when negative thoughts hit I am instantly aware of what is going on and my first impulse is to reject those thoughts and replace them with positive ones. But the choice still remains up to me.
This new paradigm set me on a road to recovery and to say the least, a greater personal relationship with those around me and mostly importantly with the Lord.
A better way of life.